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We Don't Talk Anymore

Healing after Parents and Their Adult Children Become Estranged



Break the silence and heal the rift.


Estrangement or partial estrangement from an adult son or daughter is one of a parent's worst nightmares. It can mean angry silences and anguished days and nights wondering what went wrong. Becoming estranged from a parent can be equally painful for an adult child, who may miss the relationship they once shared.


We Don't Talk Anymore is a tender and practical new exploration of estrangement for both parents and adult children. Each chapter also provides compassionate, practical insights focused on what both parents and adult children can do, including:

• Finding courage to reach out to your loved one
• Understanding the conflict and discovering a new and fulfilling connection
• Letting go and rebuilding your life

Families deserve clarity and understanding. We Don't Talk Anymore will show you those first steps toward healing.






Publishers Weekly--Starred Review

Centered on the idea that the only person whose “perceptions, attitudes, and behaviors” you can change are your own, this practical guidebook goes through the most common conflicts between older parents and their adult children and offers the perspective of each side. Family therapist McCoy goes through top stressors—such as culture clashes, “gray” (late in life) divorce, money, and sexuality—that cause breaks in familial relationships and explains the usual thought processes behind each side’s responses to these stressors, all in a format that will make it easy for readers to turn right to what they need most. McCoy condemns entitled behaviors that cause intergenerational anger and estrangement, such as millennials moving home without showing they intend to pursue their goals, with gentle firmness. She provides clear steps for both parents and children to stop cycles of blame, take responsibility, and learn to live with difference. This book is a great starting place for readers hoping to let go of long-term resentments and improve communication with estranged family members.

Joshua Coleman, Ph.D., author of When Parents Hurt

"We Don't Talk Anymore is a wise, clearly written, and helpful book for parents and adult children who are going through the trauma of estrangement. It is a great contribution to the important, but still relatively new, field of advice for families trying to reckon with this painful topic. I highly recommend it."


Charles J. Wibbelsman, M.D., Clinical Professor of Pediatrics, University of California, San Francisco 

"This well-focused book addresses so well the cataclysmic schism that often fractures the unity of an intact family.  Dr. McCoy gives a glimpse into very real family dynamics of broken relationships with poignant clinical scenarios.  Her expertise as a family counselor and therapist provides the reader with soothing treatment and practical  approaches to understand and move forward to heal and mend these now fragile relationships. The author provides up to-date-research to document current counseling techniques, including research on epigenetics.  This book is a must for any parent or adult child who have lost their relationship with each other." 

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